...past conversations re-playing continuously in my head, like a broken video player
Well hello there all my dear darlings who still continue to read my blog. well that narrows it down to .. pei yi, serene, me and my sister, and occasionally hy and beatrice but thats only when you're bored. honestly i dont blame you i mean its not like my life is very acutely exciting now is it? huh.. haha.. x)) dont worry im not having one of my mood swings, nor am i angry at this point in time, im actually in a fluffy-but-no-fluffy-books-to-read-and-besides-i-want-my-own-fluff kind of mood... lol. do i make much sense? i guess you have to be me to feel it huh. :)
i woke up this morning feeling something i havent felt in a very long time.. i felt free. free of homework, free of duty, free of responsibility, free to do what i want... i finished all my school homework, can you even imagine how i feel? no need to worry about the upcoming dateline... well more like i couldnt give a shit but still. haha.. so i finished reading two books today.. *looks guilty* i couldnt help it! i just bought them yesterday... and i cant resist another hilarious tale of Becky Brandon (nee Bloomwood) hahahha... okay fine i'll admit it, im hooked on the shopaholic series, there are only 4 books (and i have all of them, sorry claudia darling, i couldnt wait for you to lend them to me ;) ) i do plan to read the other books by Sophie Kinsella and hopefully i'll enjoy them just as much.. hahas...
well tomorrow is New Year's Eve...and i was just thinking about how i dont want this year to end, i've loved my life in TA1Bo6 and i dont really want to go into 2Ao6 (its not because of the people in there i assure you, im sure we'll all get along fine, hey we might even rock but for now just let me have my 1Bo6 kay?) i mean 1Bo6 has come a long way havent we, through many things a class shouldnt have to go through together, but still survived through it, and we did it together, we survived our first year in TA. i think about it and i often wonder if i'd enjoy it as much if i'd gone into another class, lets say i was the one they had changed in the beginning of the year instead of kim and julia, sure i would have survived, but would i have known such great people like the ones in 1B? (yes pei yi dear, i am talking about you - well you're one of those great people anyway x)) i remember flashes of orientation, how fun it was and all the interaction between us... and me still trying to get used to being in a mixed school again, hey once you go to a girls' school, the experience kinda gets stuck in you and you kinda miss the days you could just talk about periods, pads and cute guys loudly, and shout across the classroom if you need a pad and no one bats an eyelid over it. you dont need to whisper or blush or giggle quietly, to say the least i think being in a girls school really changed me.. hell you do not wanna know what i was like in primary school, this cooped up little girl who didnt dare to do anything unless someone told her it was okay to... yes that was me. i guess that little girl is still somewhere inside of me, and may sometimes show her face, espeacially when im around people whom i dont know very well... after i do get to know them and they know me, you'll see the same old cedar girl im known for in 2So5 x)) crazy and egoistic and just damned sugar high 24/7 haha... but i digress like i was saying orientation... when i was so distressed that i was the only cedar girl in a class full of tkgs girls... scary how one of them became my best friend huh? haha.. goes to show you cant tell whats gonna happen.. how i met so many people from my primary school again, like the one in my class glen ko chuan yao. ya know something tells me i could have lived out the rest of my life not having that call from you to just tell me that you a. grew one cm more, and b. are taller than me. i mean hello. i'd think that after i realised that i actually had to tilt my head up a bit to talk to you i would have figured out that you are taller than me. no DUH. x) just teasing. oh gosh, can you remember all the scandals we've had throughout the entire year? starting with claudia and peng ho. okay that one wasnt really made up, yes claudia you've said it enough times to get it into my head lols. and the most long termed one would be glen and pei yi but then, thats not made up of rumours and its rather true... besides we all now treat them as the unofficial couple of the year. and lots of us are waiting for them to ya know get together and make everyone's lives so much happier (okay maybe mine, cause i dont need to try and convince her anymore.. and theirs too lives i mean)
but we've gone a long way from orientation havent we? and i guess the most memorable event in which we really needed each other was right after OBS. and guess what guys, we pulled through. granted not all of us are present to celebrate the coming of a new year, but we'll always have memories and we'll treasure them for as long as we have them. no one's gonna blame you if you suddenly have amnesia or get too old to remember it. x) its all part of life isnt it? i mean if you're not meant to have it, then i guess you'll have to change and move with the tide. im not saying give up, im saying that if you want it hard enough, and you know for a fact that it should be yours go for it with all your heart, but if on your way you find that you dont, in fact, think its as brillant as you once thought it was, then stop chasing a dream that is just a passing fancy.
my my my, i seem to be getting way way more deep than i actually planned to.. sorry if i've drifted from my topic, but then again i was never good at sticking to my topic. hahaha.. i'll just keep trailing on and on and on, and i guess it seems queer to people that i can rant so much in writing but dont seem to talk much, especially pengho who keeps asking me to talk more.. i dont think he reads my blog much but i shall tell yall this anyway. when asked to talk and voice my idea without first thinking it through and writing them down, my mind goes blank, absolutely blank, if i'd thought about the topic before then i guess i'll have something to say but once you've caught me at something i have never gave much thought to, you'll have a very hard time getting me to talk. i'd prefer to think things through and come up with a perfect answer, something i can feel proud saying... its a bit off from what everyone's expecting i'd admit but i guess another reason i dont talk much is cause im sort of shy around people im not familiar with, like i dont know what they expect of me...
its stupid i know. especially when i actually believe that it doesnt matter what people think, just what you think of yourself. ridiculous, and truthfully ironic... but there it is... im getting beyond myself again. well i guess i should do what i originally came here to do... write up my New Year's Resolution. that and thank everyone in 1B who has been there for me and hope for another wonderful year in which i hope we won't forget each other though we're in different classes... good luck everyone and i'll miss yall!
Samantha's New Year's Resolution:
1. Grow to 163cm (hopefully)
2. Get more storybooks
3. Get at least a B in Lang Arts
4. Continue to get an A in Maths
5. Get at least a B in Bio and Phy but an A in Chem
6. Be less afraid to speak up
7. Let go of past prejudices... and think up some new ones (yes i am joking)
8. Always stay in touch with my friends in 1Bo6
9. Let go of irrational fears and think of what it would be like to be more courageous
10. and the first step to #9 is this: Tell my crush i like him.
Yupp thats it! Arriverderci! *muax* to all my darlings again and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone!
EDITED: just to make things clear, its my New Year's Resolution. and i have the entire year to accomplish them. just reminding is all. x)
OHkay. im blaming my current ridiculous sugar-highness to (quite a lot of things actually)
#1. hormones... yes i do say i blame it on hormones... bloody time of the month which technically you didnt need to know but few people read my blog anyway.. rarrs... im having ridiculous mood swings which could send me from this 'mode' to sulkiness all in the span of one second... kind warning... dont do anything to upset me, you'll never know what hit you. ><>
#2. i already bought all my christmas presents!!!!! x))))))) all my family members and relatives didnt know what to get me so they all gave me money (or in my mum's case, a budget) to buy all i wanted!! wahaha... surprise surprise this girl bought books! *wheee* altogether 7 books, 1CD and a new laptop bag!!! wahaha, watch out world cause this girl is going to school next year with a STYLISH new HIP beautifully coloured (mystique grey) ATTRACTIVE school bag!!! i love my parents, i love my grandparents, i love my sister and most of all i love MYSELF! wahaha... the author of 5 of the 7 books i bought is Susan Elizabeth Phillips... gosh... so much FLUFF!! *spins around deliriously* one other book is the 2nd in the Shopaholic series and the other one is the newest edition to the Pendragon series... Quillan Games... okay fine i know not many people read it but so what? i like the series... hah. oh and i bought that CD i've been telling people i would eventually buy cause i love the songs so much... yeah well im a tad bit disappointed cause they are all live performances and i hate it cause live performances are never as good as recorded songs... sigh... anyway... my FABULOUS laptop bag.. i bought it in the newly-opened Courts at Tampines (more like Pasir Ris but oh well) i went there yesterday.. cause my parents are still scouting for a new sofa set... i like the old one.. but then again i kinda grew up with it haha... okay now lets see reason
#3... its the christmas spirit!! i cant help it!! haha... im currently listening to Mariah Carey's All I want for Christmas.... x)) hell even the weather's getting with the spirit of things... where in America and all the other places in the Northen Hemisphere get snow/hail storms... we.. ahem.. i am proud to say.. get rain storms.. xD ...okay fine it's not like its that glamorous or anything... and just so we make things clear here.. i intend one day to see/feel/play with REAL snow... haha.. besides we all still feel the same need to cuddle up somewhere cozy and just enjoy the feeling of cozyness... (okay if that sounded weird i blame it on my hormones again) well anyway... i currently love the feeling of my blankie covering me... its the best jacket i'll ever need.. cept of course when i want to wear it out la... then of course i'll go with the jacket i wore in italy...warm and snuggly (HORMONES)
rarrs im uber tired now.. cause i woke up early this morning to go to Tan Tock Seng Hos. cause of my drug challenge.. i stayed there for like 6 and a half hours just for them to observe me... i feel fine except for the stupid lines on my left upperarm... due to that stupid blood-pressure measuring machine.. i look like some ex-druggie or smth.. ergh... SO not glam... (hormones.. dont even ask) okay then i'll go to sleep now... i'll probably have to post it tmr morning cuase my mum just turned off my internet.. so just so ppl know.. this blog entry is dated 19 dec 06... oh by the way... does anyone ever find it cute that im born 1 month after/ 11 months before christmas... as in exactly... x)) ... okay like i said if you find anything weird about this blog post its HORMONES. got it? okay then.
arriverderci! *muax* darlings.. love ya all! *yawn* nightynight!
lo yall... been some time and yes i do know that my blog is half dead right now.. which is probably why im blogging.. heh. and im sorry to all the people who are waiting for me to update more on the italy trip but...erm...i've kind of lost all patience for it... simple fact: i've enjoyed myself thoroughly and i wish i could go again x) there, now thats done i shall begin todays post, which shall more or less be just me ranting on and on so if you dont mind wasting a few minutes of your time, just sit back and enjoy my post...
do you have any idea how much i hate it when adults throw their temper, its almost as equilivent as to that of a child, only an adult's one is worse seeing as to how they are so much older than a small child... its rather amazing isnt it? how it comes so bloody easily, i mean feelings are natural, think about it, we've had them since the beginning of time (fine, maybe not we, but living organisms with a properly functioning brain and a conscience to boot) and its a wonder we havent evolved from having them, though then again, were we to exist, sans feelings, would we be better than mere robots? its rather conflicting at best... though right now that's hardly my point... you'd think that adults would be the ones trying to figure out how to work through their anger... and not throw their temper around and just simple piss off everyone else around them... the phrase 'misery loves company' comes to mind... sadly enough... my dad's been sulking all day, just cause he and my mum had a row sometime before brunch... to be honest i'd never thought of him much as an adult, he acts as though he's just a kid trapped in the body of one... all the time... sometimes its just immensely frustrating... however, if i were to keep ranting on about this, this post might never end, so i shall stop it with all the negativity on that part anyway, cause since i've just wrote this my anger about it has dissolved away... thank god i like to write out my feelings... well i'd prefer this than to go telling my mum, hell she'll give me this long lecture on how my dad is like and blahblahblah... i normally would go and tell my sister, cause she'd honestly agree with me, but still i prefer to write it out... ya know, keep it somewhere which i can read back later...
now on to some more positive feelings... like the fact which i had the cutest dream last night... not much of which i will tell you seeing as to how its rather personal... but it had something to do with school, a stadium, a hall, running, chairs, my darling sister, my close friends in tj oh and it also had something to do with concurrent talks... dont bother trying to figure out how its all linked to each other, cause its impossible to get it right or even close... so ta! x))
oh bother, my right ankle is just giving me problems.. stupid thing... almost everytime i put my weight on it there's this small pain shooting up from it... crazy thing... blahs...
and i've now got to go do stuff... there's about 4 things on my agenda... 1. finish LA blogskin for project... 2. finish maths homework... 3. plan best friend's birthday celebration... 4. do my chinese zhou ji... rarrrrrrr so many things to do and so little time... okay fine i procrastinated a bit.. so sue me im human... x))
haha.. well got to go now.. arriverderci to my dear friends.. *muax* x))